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A while back I wrote a hubpage about my sister: My sister Verna A Lesson in Overcoming; little did I know that she wasn't long for this world.

This is the eulogy I wrote for Verna.  It needs work but I am still far too raw to edit it further.

Our little ray of sunshine was born June 30th, 1958. I still remember Mom waving her hankie out the window of her room at Grace Hospital in Vancouver; now known as BC Women’s Hospital.

Verna was born with bilateral hip dislocation and underwent several surgeries to try and shorten the ligaments. This involved being in a plaster cast with her legs akimbo for several months. I remember I started changing diapers at age 9 which was awkward with a plaster cast to contend with. Verna was almost always smiling and co-operative. The same surgery was performed successfully on a neighbor child which may have been the catalyst for trying the surgery again. To no avail, they said that Verna's other issues complicated matters.
We lived in a little house in Burnaby near Lougheed Mall; just up the road from Costco which used to be a field of horses.

Thanks to Verna we got our first TV set in the early 60s.

We moved to 616 Gatensbury, Coquitlam in the spring of 1963. Our parents bought that house simply because the hallway was wide enough to manouver Verna's bed up and down the hall so she could be with the family for dinner.

I was finishing Grade 2 and Howard was in Grade 5? I can remember being shocked years later when Mom said she left us each home to babysit while she took the other one to school to register. No handy dart in those days! No wheelchair access and definitely no transportation for anyone in a bed!

Around this time Verna was in RCH; I believe this may be where she developed her 1st staph infection and spent time in isolation; a dreadful place with no windows. Verna's sunny disposition saw her through.

They said she would never walk but Verna never read that manual and so she walked.

I remember when my Mom went back to work; I would pull Verna home from the sitters in a wagon. One particular day some kids were walking home from school and laughing and pointing at Verna. This is my first memory of her talking to her fingers. She was saying to one hand, what's wrong Verna and the other hand was saying It's okay Verna; back and forth. Through out her life she used this as a mechanism to talk herself through situations. Kind of like one hand represented good and one bad. If there was ever something we wanted Verna to do and she didn't want to do it she would chat back and forth, come to a decision and usually co-operate.

Verna was able to walk for several years. In her late teens though she ended up at Sunny Hill for an extended period of time. This may have when she had plates and pins put in her hips for stability.

I remember she turned of age while at Sunny Hill and the only residence the could come up with for Verna was an old folks home.

My mother hit tilt!

This would have been the worst possible solution for Verna who thrived on social interaction and was constantly lighting up people's lives.

Some how the Richmond/Vancouver DDA came to the rescue and Verna was moved to 55B on Arlington.

She worked for several years at various workshops doing such jobs as putting napkins and cutlery in bags for the airlines. Then the fair wage act backfired and many jobs like these went away.
My brother Howard was always a big hockey fan. In those days with one TV the entire family watched what was on. So Hockey Night in Canada was a family ritual. Howard was the colour guy and took us through the play by play; sometimes rattling the windows with a big:  "He shoots! He scores!"

Verna loved it and the word hockey and Howard became synonymous. For years if anyone mentioned hockey; Verna would say Howard.

At one point the Vancouver Canucks took Verna and a group from the DDA on the Royal Hudson. This was in the Tiger Williams era and Verna knew many of the Canucks by name.

Verna had a gift for faces and names and remembered everyone she met. Years later she would still know that person. My uncle Ruddy made a big impression on Verna and taught her to drink a milkshake with a straw by letting her eat the ice cream off the end of the straw. Years later she remembered him by name.

Verna was a very orderly person and maintained her 2 box tape and CD collection in perfect order. You dare not put a tape back in the wrong place! It was impossible to know her sequence; possibly it was the order she received them but it was her system and she wouldn't allow you to mess it up.


Being is a wheelchair for so many years really developed Verna's upper body strength. You definitely didn't want to get in an arm wrestle with her because she always won!

Verna was a big Treky fan and that was her Halloween costume for years.

At one time Verna was a huge Michael Jay Fox fan and there were posters of Michael plastered all over her hospital room at VGH. She loved Donny Osmond, Abba, the Beatles and of course she was a huge fan of Elvis. More recently she attended Mama Mia and put ABBA back at the top of her favorite list.

Elvis actually put in an appearance at her 40th birthday party; He got down on one knee and sang to her. Elvis lives! as far as Verna was concerned. He also put in an appearance a couple of years ago at Leida & Jamie's wedding where he tossed her his scarf.

Verna knew and loved a tremendous number of people. In fact one of her care givers, Sherry took her to the Vancouver Folk Festival and afterwards she said to me. "Next time I take Verna there I'm wearing a t-shirt that says: "I'm with Verna"

A very dark time in Verna's life was when her body rejected the pins in her hips which had been put in about 15 years earlier at VGH. She got seriously ill. Valerie took her to Burnaby hospital but was sent home. She ended up at VGH where she was transfused overnight. My parents came home to find the front door of there house wide open and all their valuables stolen. This was the beginning of a several month ordeal. Verna spent the entire Expo 86 in hospital overlooking the site from her room. Her one trip to Expo was to go to McDonalds. She loved Ronald!


The reinforcing plates were removed to allow antibiotics to cope with a staph infection. She had wounds in her hips, one the size of an orange and one the size of a grapefruit. They were changing her dressings every 4 hours and couldn't understand why she was screaming in pain and trying to crawl off the back of her bed. She was screaming: "Save me Mommy, Save me Daddy"; and they were helpless.

I remember my Mom saying it was worse than the Spanish Inquisition. The reason only became known in mid-November, a fractured left femur was revealed on an X-ray discovered by the Resident surgeon.

I believe in the Fall of 1987 Verna had a plate put back in her hip for stability so that even though her other leg was forever broken she was able to transfer on her own.

We can see by pictures from various events Verna's gradual deterioration. Verna was dancing at weddings in 1980 but was in a wheelchair for my wedding in 1985. Still dancing; just not with her feet. One of the remarkable things about Verna is that she maintained her sunny disposition in spite of all her many obstacles. She never bemoaned the fact that she could no longer walk. She accepted it and moved on. Quite the role model for those that let circumstance get in the way.

Even in Verna's final weeks she endured much pain and yet was always pleased to see me and her other visitors. I'm sure the hospital staff must have wondered who this little person was who garnered so much attention.

Verna was always delighted to see me. She would smile with her whole face and do her best to talk. I can assure you that if I had been in her place I would not have been smiling. When I put on an Elvis CD she tried to dance although so weak she could barely lift her arms. If she could move it she did even if it was just her toe!

Verna lived a happy and fulfilled life. Her caregivers and friends that she met stayed friends with her even when they no longer lived under the same roof. I commented on several occasions that Verna had more of a social life than me! There was always birthdays, Christmas or some special event happening.

My Mom often said that Verna was as close to an angel as she would ever see.

I love what one of my online friends, Candace said in her card to me:

“I know your sister will be watching over you with the beautiful smile you remember and cheering you on in all things. Every gentle breeze are her wings fluttering by you and giving you strength.”....truly an angel above that looks out for me.

A couple of quotes:

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. James Keller

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” Buddha quote

 

Verna in her own way lit the candle of many lives.